Seven months. Seven beautiful, crazy, humble, difficult, mindful, and fulfilling months. It's been cool but for the most part it's been difficult. I can't sit here and lie and say I'm living the life because my body and soul has traveled across seas, boarders, and cultures. I realize how privileged I really am to travel at the age of twenty-three with a U.S. passport, but I also realize the blessings of my own bed in my family's home, with the calm familiar voices waking me at sunrise.
I guess what I'm trying to say is please don't base judgement off filtered photos. Because you have to realize they are filtered and framed for an audience for appraisal and approval in our case 'likes.' We are all (those who use social networks) guilty of it. This is why I have a blog. I want to show real depth, honest moments, and internal struggles with raw emotion and unedited tones. My voice changes because my circumstances change here. I'm outside my element. I'm nowhere near my comfort zone. I'm a small, yet courageous fish, living in a winding body of water.
People ask if you change when you travel. I wouldn't say yes, but I wouldn't say no. I am still sociable, weird, wanting to hear everyone's story 'melody.' But, I don't necessarily need to be everyone's friend, or seek to make connections like I used to in terms of quantity. I'm okay with being alone, because I know I'm not lonely. I can observe much more, instead of always being immersed in the scene. I'm learning to enjoy my own company, instead of being around 'quantity' which does not always mean 'quality'. I'm learning that silence is much better than empty words. Words are precious, and should be given carefully and beautifully. I guess I just don't need to prove myself anymore, because I'm okay with where I am going in life even if I'm clueless at points. I don't walk into a room hoping people like me, I walk in hoping I can find a quality gem to share an honest beautiful moment with. Above all, I'm learning to be present, and that's what is important.
I'm forever and eternally grateful for the people I have come across on my travels. I know I'll have a few people at my wedding because of how strongly we connected.
I'm at a point in my life where I am outgrowing connections, friendships, and relationships. The fault does not matter, but I believe it's always both parties who allow it to crumble. Anyways, I thought something is wrong with me. Maybe I'm just weird and cannot relate to my old friendships? It's not that. It's just sometimes we grow up with different environments. Sometimes they're able to pave together, and other times they clash. I still wish the best for people that were in my life just as much the ones that are in my life. I can thank traveling for allowing me realize what a "true and supportive" person really is. Because when you're alone crying on the other side of the world, it's a gift from god to have words from home uplift you. I hope those who are reading, realize how precious the people in our lives are. Whether it's forever or temporary, thank them for blessing you with experiences. Because without them you wouldn't discover your faults and flaws to better yourself.
Now, what keeps me going on a positive streak are the everyday people and my students. The neighborhood knows and loves me lol. I am swarmed by a sea of children blowing me kisses as I go to work. And the women waving with their huge brightly lit smiles. It's genuine love and sincerity. They have nothing in terms of material, living in poverty. Yet, they have time to give me all the love and kindness in the world. This is reality. Poverty is sickening and heartbreaking, no one deserves it. It hurts when it is masked behind luxurious settlements, and people look passed the aches. You just have to do what you can, but you have to try your best to not internalize it. Stay compassionate and loving, but find your happy medium or you'll end up crying daily (like how I was for a while). I'm learning to find my happy-medium because these people give me more than I could ever ask for.
Now, my students are adorable little munchkins. Eating the pencils, sumo wrestling each other with their tummies, and saying "miss me peeeepeee's" (I have to pee) every two seconds. I am privileged to be around these little babies, they always give me a smile, along with exhaustion lol.
To digress a bit, I met this group of kind Australian folks who complimented me and my courage for moving across the globe at this age and time of my life. They told me they saw something big in me, and that what I'm doing is well worth it and inspiring. Hearing that, was like "damn, are you serious?!" Everyone wants to inspire and be something to someone, so hearing that at a vulnerable time of my life, gave me strength to keep going and doing.
I'll leave you with "never belittle a persons experience" we're all on different journeys that cannot always be understood by the same perspective. Listen with the intent of being loving and understanding, not for comparing and critiquing (or always trying to be right). Embrace your wrongs, it's what keeps you human and humble. Love your surroundings, but if it's damaging change the scenery. Put your soul where it is able to quench it's thirst. Be honest with yourself. It's the only way to keep your head up and going.
xx
Melody
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| being present |
